English text
=== ALL USERS PLEASE NOTE ======================== Bug reports now amount to an average of 12,853 per day. Unfortunately, this is only a small fraction [ < 1% ] of the mail volume we receive. In order that we may more expeditiously deal with these valuable messages, please communicate them by one of the following paths: ARPA: WastebasketSLMHQ.ARPA UUCP: [berkeley, seismo, harpo]!fubar!thekid!slmhq!wastebasket Non-network sites: Federal Express to: Wastebasket Room NE43-926 Copernicus, The Moon, 12345-6789 For that personal contact feeling call 1-415-642-4948; our trained operators are on call 24 hours a day. VISA/MC accepted.* * Our very rich lawyers have assured us that we are not responsible for any errors or advice given over the phone.
English variant — jive
=== ALL USERS PLEASE NOTE ======================== Bug repo'ts now amount t'an average uh 12,853 puh' day. Slap mah fro! Unfo'tunately, dis be only some little-ass fracshun [ < 1 ] uh de mail volume we receive. What it is, Mama! In o'da' dat we may mo'e 'espeditiously deal wid dese valuable messages, please communicate dem by one uh de followin' alleys, dig dis: ARPA: WastehoopSLMHQ.ARPA UUCP: [berkeley, seismo, harpo]. Right On! fubar. Right On! dekid. Right On! slmhq. Right On! wuztehoop Non-netwo'k sites, dig dis: Federal Express to, dig dis: Wastehoop Room NE43-926 Copuh'nicus, De Moon, 12345-6789 Fo' dat sucka'al contact feelin' call 1-415-642-4948; our trained opuh'to's are on call 24 hours some day. Slap mah fro! VISA/MC accepted.* * Our real rich lawyers gots' assho' nuffd us dat we aint responsible fo' any erro's o' advice given ova' de phone. What it is, Mama!
English variant — valspeak
=== ALL USERS PLEASE NOTE ======================== Bug reports now amount to an average of 12,853 per day. Unfortunately, this is only a small fraction [ < 1% ] of thuh mail volume we receive. In order that we may more expeditiously deal with these valuable messages, please communicate them by one of thuh followin' paths: ARPA: WastebasketSLMHQ.ARPA UUCP: [berkeley, like, seismo, man, harpo]! Gag me with a SPOOOOON!fubar! Oh, wow!thekid! Oh, wow!slmhq! Oh, wow!wastebasket Non-network sites: Federal Express to: Wastebasket Room NE43-926 Copernicus, like, The Moon, like, wow, 12345-6789 For that personal contact feelin' call 1-415-642-4948; our trained operators are on call 24 hours a day. VISA/MC accepted.* * Our super rich lawyers have assured us that we are not responsible for any errors or advice given over thuh phone.