English text
I have a box of telephone rings under my bed. Whenever I get lonely, I open it up a little bit, and I get a phone call. One day I dropped the box all over the floor. The phone wouldn't stop ringing. I had to get it disconnected. So I got a new phone. I didn't have much money, so I had to get an irregular. It doesn't have a five. I ran into a friend of mine on the street the other day. He said why don't you give me a call. I told him I can't call everybody I want to anymore, my phone doesn't have a five. He asked how long had it been that way. I said I didn't know -- my calendar doesn't have any sevens. -- Steven Wright
English variant — jive
I gots' some box uh telephone rin's unda' my bed. Wheneva' I git lonely, I jimmey it down some little bit, and ah' get some phone call. One day ah' dropped de box all ova' de floo'. De phone wouldn't stop rin'in'. ah' had t'get it disconnected. So ah' gots some new phone. What it is, Mama! ah' dun didn't gots' much bre'd, so's I had t'get an irregular. Ah be baaad... It duzn't gots' some five. What it is, Mama! ah' ran into some homey of mine on de street da damn oda' day. Slap mah fro! He said why duzn't ya' give me a call. ah' told him ah' can't call everybody ah' wanna anymo'e, mah' phone duzn't gots' some five. What it is, Mama! He ax'ed how long had it been dat way. Slap mah fro! ah' said I dun didn't know -- mah' calendar duzn't gots' any sevens. -- Steven Wright
English variant — valspeak
I have a box of telephone rin's under my bed. Whenever I get lonely, like, wow, I open it up a little bit, mostly, and I get a phone call. One day I dropped the box all over thuh floor. The phone wouldn't stop rin'in'. I had to get it disconnected. So I got a new phone. I didn't have much money, oh, baby, so I had to get an irregular. It doesn't have a five. I ran into a friend of mine on thuh street thuh other day. That dude said why don't you give me a call. I told that dude I can't call everybody I want to anymore, mostly, my phone doesn't have a five. That dude asked how long had it been that way. I said I didn't know -- my calendar doesn't have any sevens. -- Steven Wright