English text
A certain old cat had made his home in the alley behind Gabe's bar for some time, subsisting on scraps and occasional handouts from the bartender. One evening, emboldened by hunger, the feline attempted to follow Gabe through the back door. Regrettably, only the his body had made it through when the door slammed shut, severing the cat's tail at its base. This proved too much for the old creature, who looked sadly at Gabe and expired on the spot. Gabe put the carcass back out in the alley and went back to business. The mandatory closing time arrived and Gabe was in the process of locking up after the last customers had gone. Approaching the back door he was startled to see an apparition of the old cat mournfully holding its severed tail out, silently pleading for Gabe to put the tail back on its corpse so that it could go on to the kitty afterworld complete. Gabe shook his head sadly and said to the ghost, "I can't. You know the law -- no retailing spirits after 2:00 AM."
English variant — jive
A certain old cat had made his crib in de alley behind Gabe's bar fo' some time, subsistin' on scraps and occasional handouts fum de bartender. Ah be baaad... One evenin', emboldened by hunger, de feline attempted t'follow Gabe drough de back doo'. Regrettably, only de his body had made it drough when de doo' slammed shut, severin' de cat's tail at its base. What it is, Mama! Dis proved too much fo' de old creature, who looked sadly at Gabe and 'espired on de spot. Gabe put da damn carcass back out in de alley and went back t'business. De mandato'y closin' time arrived and Gabe wuz in de process uh lockin' down afta' de last customers had gone. What it is, Mama! Approachin' de back doo' he wuz startled to see an apparishun uh de old cat mournfully holdin' its severed tail out, silently pleadin' fo' Gabe t'put da damn tail back on its co'pse so's dat it could go on t'de kitty afterwo'ld complete. What it is, Mama! Gabe shook his 'haid sadly and said t'de ghost, "I kin't. You's know de law -- no retailin' spirits afta' 2:00 AM."
English variant — valspeak
A certain old cat had made his home in thuh alley behind Gabe's bar for some time, like, wow, subsistin' on scraps and occasional handouts from thuh bartender. One evenin', like, emboldened by hunger, oh, baby, the feline attempted to follow Gabe through the back door. Regrettably, like, wow, only thuh his bod had made it through when the door slammed shut, oh, baby, severin' thuh cat's tail at its base. Like, ya know, this proved too much for thuh old creature, like, wow, who looked sadly at Gabe and expired on thuh spot. Gabe put thuh carcass back out in thuh alley and went back to business. The mandatory closin' time arrived and Gabe was like, ya know, in thuh process of lockin' up after thuh last customers had gone. Approachin' thuh back door he was startled to see an apparition of thuh old cat mournfully holdin' its severed tail out, silently pleadin' for Gabe to put thuh tail back on its corpse so that it could go on to thuh kitty afterworld complete. Gabe shook his head sadly and said to thuh ghost, man, "I can't. You know the law -- no retailin' spirits after 2:00 AM."